1. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
2. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
3. A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
4. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
5. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
6. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
7. Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
8. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
9. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
10. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
11. A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
12. Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
13. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
14. I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
15. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
16. Velcro ... what a rip off!
17. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.