A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was.

She is a clever old lady, and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude. I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay part of rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough.

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money- from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone. I certainly don't spend money that fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me.