A Bird in My Hand

Some Unfortunate True laws of the Nature of Things Page 11

  1. A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
  2. Where you stand depends on where you sit.
  3. In a surplus labor economy, the squeaking wheel does not get the grease; it gets replaced.
  4. After you've mailed your last Christmas card, you will receive a card from someone you overlooked.
  5. Whenever you need to stop at a light to put on makeup, every light will be green.
  6. Exciting plays occur only while you are watching the scoreboard or out buying a hot dog.
  7. Anything is edible if it is chopped finely enough.
  8. Don't worry . . . nobody gives a hoot anyway.
  9. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
  10. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
  11. Every solution breeds new problems.
  12. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
  13. When the meal you are preparing is on schedule, the guests will be forty-five minutes late. Corollary: When the guests are on time, the meal will be forty-five minutes late.
  14. 1. If it's green or it wriggles, it's biology. 2. If it stinks, it's chemistry. 3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
  15. If anything can go wrong, it will.
A Bird in My Hand
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